Spanking a Child - Does It unmistakably Cause Harm?

If you would like to start a heated seminar in a room of parents just mention the word spanking. This particular word can polarize a group in about 1.3 seconds. It is naturally amazing. Parents tend to have a very strong stance on this and it is understandable. Most want what is best for their children and discipline in a way they feel benefits the child most. I am no exception to this. When they are told they are doing something that is damaging their child, or missing a key disciplinary tool they take it personally. Again, this is normal

This polarization was exciting to me so I went finding for the reply to the, "should I spank my child," question. Surprisingly I did not find an answer, but I did find some exciting information. Let us start by finding at where the professionals stand.

Train Table For Kids

In April of 2010 Tulane University published a study that showed frequent spanking at age three was connected to more aggressive behavior at age five. Past studies have also connected spanking to lower Iq scores. This sounds pretty serious and is worth taking note of. In difference though, Michigan's Calvin College published a study in January of 2010 showing the exact opposite. In this study kids who were spanked were more likely to achieve better at school, be happier as adults and be more likely to volunteer and go to college. Both of these were scientifically controlled and reported studies. How can they both be right?

Well, believe it or not, they can be. Assuming that their controls were done correctly and they took into list other contributing factors there is still an element that can vary enough to allow both to be true. This is the very field of the studies, what constitutes a spanking? This is a serious examine and one that most studies do not directly address. Were the kids spanked by hand or with a paddle or other object? Were the kids spanked on their bare bottoms, or straight through clothing? Were other forms of discipline used or just spanking? This list could get very long but you see where it is going. I have not found a particular study that tries to qualify how a child was spanked, only that the parents say they spank. In my scientific mind this does not mean much.

I need to post a disclaimer here. I believe in spanking. As to not make the same mistake these studies have made, I will define what I reconsider spanking. I will leave it to you to conclude if this is the same definition others are using or not. For me the following is a spanking. It would be a stretch to reconsider it abuse.

Correctly Spanking a Child:

1. Never spank a child when you are mad, upset, or angry. Take a timeout yourself if you need to but wait until you can address the child calmly.
2. Never spank a child with your hand. The child should never fear you or a request for retrial you make. Always have a paddle of other object that is used solely for spanking.
3. Only spank a child for direct defiance and disobedience. Children with Always act their age. Spanking is a sever form of punishment and should only be used for sever behavior.
4. Always spank for direct defiance and disobedience. Children thrive on predictability. You must be consistent with what warrants a spanking. If a child is spanked for a behavior once and not a second time, you run the risk of confusing the child. They should know what type of response their choices will prompt.
5. Come down to their level and discuss the behavior and alternatives with your child before you spank them. It is leading for them to understand why they are getting a spanking and what they should have done to avoid one. better yet, ask them if they know why. They ordinarily do. Take this time to tell them how many strikes they will receive so they know what to expect.
6. Do not over do it. One or two strikes will get your point across. However, you do need to be firm enough for it to hurt a petite and be a deterrent.
7. Never end the discipline with a spanking. Once it is over take a petite to hold and relieve your child. Let them know you love them but cannot allow their behavior. They can understand this.

These are the steps we take every time one of our children directly challenges our authority. We use time-outs, time-ins, removing privileges, and many other forms of discipline as well. However, if a child knowingly chooses to defy us they know they will get spanked. Below is a roll play of exactly what this looks like in our family.

Little Johnny is three years old. He walks over to the table and picks up my cell phone. He has been told clearly not to play with our phones in the past. I walk into the room and instruct him to put the phone back. (If he were to obey he would still be put in time-out for this level of disobedience). He looks at me and yells no and runs off with my phone. This is direct defiance. I go get the paddle, catch him and set down on the floor with him in my lap. I ask him if he was being obedient. He answers, "No." I ask him if his behavior was respectful. He answers, "No." I tell him he is definite and that his selection to be disobedient and disrespectful means he will receive a spanking. I then ask him what other selection he could have made. He responds with, "Put the phone down." I praise him for knowing the definite selection and tell him that he will get two spanks for selecting to disobey. I stand him up and administer the spanks. As he is crying I pull him back into my lap and give him a big hug and kiss. I tell him that I love him and want him to grow up into a respectful and flourishing young man who knows how to make wise choices. I hug him again and by this point he wants me to come and play with his trains. He knows he did wrong and he knows he is still loved. We can both move on.

Yes, this takes a long time. It is not as uncomplicated as a quick slap with the hand or swipe with a belt, but it is constructive and not destructive. It is also not what these studies mean when they call a parent and ask, "Do you spank your child?" This is how I define spanking. It is not for everybody and I understand that. I will never fault parents for selecting not to spank. However, for those of us who choose to, and choose to correctly, I would like to at least define what we are arguing over. I would love to see a study that looks at the long term effects of dissimilar types of spanking. I do not expect that will be forthcoming any time soon though.

Spanking a Child - Does It unmistakably Cause Harm?

The Apparent Murder-Suicide of Chris Benoit unmistakably Creates More Questions Than Answers

News of the apparent murder-suicide of well-known and well-liked Wwe wrestler Chris Benoit left me with mixed emotions: sadness and dismay.

Unlike so many men past 60 who would not be caught dead admitting to watching pro wrestling on television in a polite, worldly, sophisticated communal environment, I embraced the admission and stood my ground.

Train Table For Kids

I believe Chris Benoit would have done the same. Benoit's boob tube proximity was never a good interview, never as charismatic as we would have liked, never a loudmouth, never a blowhard, never obnoxious, never foul mouthed but always quiet, real, genuine and tough as nails.

There is no telling how many World Championships Benoit (pronounced Ben-Wah) would have been allowed to win if he was all of the things that other wrestlers like "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair, the "Heartbreak Kid" Shaun Michaels or "The Cerebral Assassin" Triple Hhh (Hunter Hurst Helmsley) flaunted.

Do not misunderstand what I am sharing here. I respected Triple H, I loved Ric Flair and Shaun Michaels as competitors and I loved Benoit even more as a pure competitor.

Benoit, Flair and Michales have probably taken more punishment in the ring, won more matches and won more titles than any other competitors. Few competitors and few fans ever figure out that everyone can dish it out in pro wrestling, but the ones who can dish it out And withstand the punishment are finally the champions.

Chris Benoit was born in Montreal, Canada and grew up in the same wrestling society as Stu Hart and his sons, most supreme of which were Bret Hart and Owen Hart. Benoit was the consummate mat wrestler with talent and skills only matched by Flair and Michaels and possibly exceeded by Bret Hart.

Benoit was a previous World Heavyweight Champion, Intercontinental Champion and several time Tag Team Champion. His ring names included "The Canadian Crippler" and "The Rabid Wolverine".

Benoit reminded me a lot of of Eddie Guerrero. Both Owen Hart and Guerrero died prematurely, Owen from a tragic wrestling promotion crisis that should never have happened, and Guerrero from an apparent overdose of designate drugs.

Like Owen Hart and Eddie Guerrero, Benoit was roughly universally liked by his fellow superstars and sports entertainers in the Wwe locker room.

I do not believe that Vince McMahon (Vinny Mac), the World Wrestling Entertainment owner and arguably the most gifted of sports entertainment promoters ever, could in fact tolerate a someone so quiet and respected as Christ Benoit.

That is why it came as such a shock to me that Benoit could have assertedly strangled his 43-year-old wife Nancy, strangled his 7-year-old son Daniel and then committed suicide by hanging himself on the cable of a weight-training motor at his home. I cannot perceive the unspeakable nightmare of his wife or son realizing their circumstance when Benoit apparently lost operate of his life.

Their bodies were found in three isolate rooms of their home off a gravel road about two miles from the Whitewater Country Club near Atlanta. Holy Bibles were left beside Benoit's wife and son.

Benoit had maintained an Atlanta address from the time he wrestled for the defunct World Championship Wrestling. The Fayette County Tax Assessors Office listed the value of the house, situated on more than 8.5 acres, at nearly 0,000. The same house and property in Connecticut, California or Seattle, Washington would probably be valued at + million.

I know the pain of suicide as my sister Loretta committed suicide. She was a victim of Ms (multiple sclerosis) and had apparently lost any hope of living a great life in the advanced stages of her disease. I came to know that people who commit suicide have lost all hope of a great life.

I in fact do not condone killing one's immediate house on the way to committing suicide; murder in this circumstance seems cowardly to me, and if there is one thing I never, ever, belief about Benoit was that he was a coward. I belief him to be just the opposite.

Since this tragic story has unfolded it has taken on a life on its own in the national media, in part because of the unbelievable events that have surfaced since the tragedy. These include:

• The rumor that Benoit and his wife permanently fought about money, even though he apparently made 0,000+ as a professional wrestler for Wwe.

• The rumor that Benoit and his wife fought about the best way to raise their son Daniel, who was undersized and possibly a special needs child.

• The fact that Benoit's wife filed for separation in 2003, saying their three-year union was irrevocably broken and alleging "cruel treatment." She later dropped the complaint as well as a request for a restraining order.

• The fact that Benoit's page on Wikipedia, a reference site that allows users to add and edit information, was updated about 14 hours Before authorities say the bodies were found on Monday, June 25. The update said the hypothesize Benoit missed a match on Saturday of the fateful weekend was "stemming from the death of his wife Nancy." The source was traced to a user in Stamford, Connecticut, but claimed no relationship to Wwe, which has its headquarters in Stamford.

• The fact that anabolic steroids found in Benoit's home led officials to wonder whether the drugs played a role in the killings that started the weekend of June 22. Some experts believe steroids can cause paranoia, depression and violent outbursts known as "roid rage". Toxicology tests on Benoit's body have not been completed.

• The fact that Benoit had seen his personal doctor and friend, Dr. Phil Astin, and been given designate medications on June 22.

• The fact that Dr. Astin prescribed a 10-month supply of anabolic steroids to Chris Benoit every three to four weeks in the middle of May 2006 and May 2007, according to a Drug compulsion administration (Dea) agent in a filed affidavit.

• The fact that the Dea acknowledged that Benoit's name had surfaced in a drug probe investigation before the tragedy occurred. The probe was called "Rx Weight Loss" and Benoit was identified as an excessive purchaser of injectable steroids.

• The fact that Dr. Astin was expensed exactly a week after the tragedy with improperly prescribing medications to two patients, but not Benoit. More charges may be coming.

• For the record, since 1997 about 1,000 wrestlers 45 and younger have worked on pro wrestling circuits. Of the 1,000, at least 65 have died since 1997 according to a description in Usa Today (3-12-04 edition), 25 from heart attacks or other coronary problems. Many had enlarged hearts. an additional one statistic from an additional one source purports that 104 wrestlers have died prematurely in the last 10 years.

• The list of steroid or designate drug users include some big names: Hulk Hogan (real name Terry Bollea), previous Minnesota governor Jesse "The Body" Ventura, "Rowdy" Roddy Piper (real name Roderick Toombs), "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, Bret "The Hit Man" Hart (Hart was also know as "The Excellence of Execution"), Paul Michael "Triple H" Levesque (also known previously as Hunter Hearst Helmsley), Mark "Johnny B. Badd" Mero (Sable's husband), "Superstar" Billy Graham, Jim "The ultimate Warrior" Hellwig, Kevin "Big Sexy" Nash, Jeff Hardy, Mike "Road Warrior Hawk" Hegstrand, Mike "Crash Holly" Lockwood, Scott "Raven" Levy, Eddie Guerrero, "The British Bulldog" Davey Boy Smith, and the lesser known "Strongman" Johnny Perry

Why do they use steroids and designate drugs? That is an easy answer.

During a 15-minute match, pro entertainment wrestlers transfer choreographed body slams and punches. Some leap from top ropes onto cement surfaces face the ring.

No matter how choreographed the moves, fantasize lying in the ring and your opponent does an Eddie Guerrero "Frog Splash" on you from 15 feet in the air. Stand on top of a 15-foot stepladder in your front yard, dive off, flatten yourself out so you hit parallel to your lawn. Does it hurt landing? You great believe it. In the more corporal "hard-core" matches, wrestlers are smashed straight through tables, whacked in the head with steel chairs and punctured with barbed wire and tacks. None of these hazardous antics are fake. And you belief pimping was hard. Try being a pro wrestler.

Pro wrestlers have my total respect. They are incredibly well-conditioned, talented athletes who put up with a lot for my viewing enjoyment.

My heart sinks when I see an genuine icon like Ric Flair wrestling at his age and being allowed to get the holy hell stomped out of him for the sake of ever-more violent entertainment. There are no words to reveal my anguish over Chris Benoit. May God have mercy on his soul, and may God take Benoit's wife Nancy and son Daniel into his arms in Heaven.

Perhaps Benoit's father Michael said it best: "It's impossible to come up with a rational explanation for a very irrational act." My condolences go out to Chris Benoit's house and to all of those who knew and loved Chris Benoit as one of the greatest pro wrestling entertainers of our generation.

Copyright © 2007 Ed Bagley

The Apparent Murder-Suicide of Chris Benoit unmistakably Creates More Questions Than Answers