Secrets Of Happy Moms

Have you ever noticed how some Moms seem to be very contented and distinct in their role as Mothers, and others seem chronically stressed and approaching burnout? Why are some Moms unflappable and able to keep their sense of humor, while others overreact to the slightest stressors in their day?

I'm currently observing and interviewing these happy Moms as I show the way study for an upcoming book. While all Moms are different, these women regularly have some of the following traits in common.

Train Table For Kids

1) They keep it simple.

I know one Mom who grocery shops every two weeks and buys the exact same thing every time to get ready the same menu of 14 dinners. Why does she do this? She's picked the family's favorite meals for her menu to save herself time and arguments at the dinner table. Anything with kids knows they like to eat the same things over and over! This Mom has decided not to reinvent the wheel twice a month. This is just one example of keeping it simple.

2) They teach their kids to be independent.

This doesn't mean they leave them to their own devices all day. But a smart Mom knows that a 2 year old can put a dish in the dishwasher, a 4 year old can get ready his own peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and a 7 year old can sweep a floor (albeit imperfectly!). Call it "outsourcing" for Moms.

3) They drop the SuperMom complex.

Not sweating the small stuff seems to be a coarse trait of happy Moms. They learn to pick their battles. Getting buckled into a car seat? Not negotiable. Pink paisley pants with the orange plaid shirt? Fashion creativity.

Happy Moms also realize that being an awesome Mom doesn't mean being a exquisite Mom. 'Nuff said.

4) They can often be overheard repeating the phrase "This too shall pass".

It doesn't mean that bothersome behavior in kids should be overlooked, for discipline is a huge time saver in the end. It means that Moms realize that children are...well, uncivilized creatures, and that much uncivilized behavior will naturally go away on its own as the child matures. Smart Moms are also keenly aware of their child's amelioration and don't expect more of them than they are able to give.

5) Smart Moms take care of themselves.

They don't blame the baby for their extra weight when the baby in query is potty trained! They put emphasis on good nutrition, avoiding too much by way of stimulants (caffeine, sugar), they get enough rest, and daily exercise. They realize that you can't pour from an empty bucket.

6) They live in the moment.

Happy Moms realize that the days are long but the years short. It's not that they are impervious to stress, it's that they have learned to lower their expectations and be in the moment when things get difficult. When your toddler is puking all over the house, this is not the time to reorganize the hall closet. A sick day then turns into a time to originate sweet memories of hours spent reading and cuddling on the couch.

7) They don't worry about what others think.

Whether it's the disapproving glare from the old lady in the checkout line, the mother in law who is convinced you're starving the baby by breastfeeding, or the Pediatrician whose medical guidance strays into parenting advice, happy Moms learn not to give too much weight to the opinions of those who don't live in their home.

8) In other words, they trust their instincts.

Whether it's taking the baby to bed with them so they can get more sleep or taking a bullied child out of public school, smart Moms know that they are the scholar of their own babies.

9) Happy Moms have "something else"

It may be a part time home based firm or a hobby like belly dancing. These Moms know that some day their babies will fly the coop, and they make sure they have a passion that will give them purpose when that happens.

Secrets Of Happy Moms

Do You Have a Negative Friend Who is Getting on Your Last Nerve? 5 Secrets to building Positivity

Inquiring Snow Whites Want to Know - Why Are Scarletts So Annoying*?

"She is So dramatic," Megan complained. "You would think she is the only person to ever be mismatched on Match.com."

Train Table For Kids

"She never asks how I am. She goes on and on and on. And, if I try to come up with a solution for what she is whining about....She pinches my head off."

"And," Megan pounded the table for emphasis, "What positively pisses me off is that she has no trouble attracting men....they flock to her like bees to a flower." "She goes straight through men like I go straight through mascara."

Sound familiar? Do you have a friend who loves to talk about what is wrong and doesn't think she is being negative? In my work with single women longing to be married, there are four types of self sabotage that I see. I have sorted them into Snow Whites, Scarlett O'Haras, Sleeping Beauties and Rapunzels. Each Saboteur Style is uniquely and profoundly successful in holding women single against their will.

Can you relate? Do you have a girl friend who is a Scarlett O'Hara? I do. One of my closest friends ever is a Scarlett and as a Snow White, I have been So frustrated with her over the years. Of course, being true blue to my Snow White tendencies, I haven't been so successful connecting to her over the years.

I love to help people. I also get impatient when women allow themselves to be in awful circumstances and spend more time complaining than taking performance to conclude the drama and trauma of the moment. If a friend continually talks about what is not working in her life (very typical of Scarlett) she is like a runaway train. If I Can get a word in edgewise, she doesn't want to hear anything about her role in the drama.

As a Snow White, I like solutions and order. I like crossing items off of to do lists and I love construction and accomplishing things. I suppose I am totally annoying to my Scarlett friends too. Hmmm. So here I sit this morning pondering. How can a Snow White be a good friend to a Scarlett who is floundering a bit in life?

Here are a few suggestions:

1. Find The Value Under Her Complaint: If Scarlett is ranting about how her co-worker shirks her responsibilities and Scarlett has to do her work and the co-workers without any appreciation or payment (A typical stuck place for Scarletts), instead of trying to 'coach' her into a great attitude (A Very typical Snow White response) try this. Search for the basic Core Value to reflect back to her. This will make her feel heard and that is sweet elixir for Scarlett. For example:

Scarlett: "I am furious with June. She will not file at the end of the day and if I don't do it, our shared work space is a mess in the morning. I can't stand it."

Snow White Wants to say: "You know June, she is going straight through that divorce and her children are in so much day care that she is feeling guilty. I bet she is just distracted and exhausted."

Snow White's Scarlett kindly Response: "So it sounds like population being responsible for their workspace and doing the job they are paid for is prominent to you."

You will be shocked how this seems to soothe the heart of a Scarlett. It takes some effort to find the Core Value...but it can be done. So worth it if you want to join together to her.

2. Set Parameters on Your Phone Conversations I used to be permanently ready to my varied and varied Scarletts (yes, I have attracted them all of my life!). Because of my kind and sweet nature and my willing ear, I would spend hours on the phone comforting, cajoling and cheering on my friends and family. Until....I realized that Scarletts tend to be Time Bandits. They can steal time in a twinkling of an eye. You know what I mean. Now I start the conversations with a time limit. Simply telling Scarlett that you have 15 minutes to focus on her and then honoring your own decision encourages her to cut to the chase. At times, I will positively tell my Scarlett friends to give me the Cliff Notes version right up front.

3. Ask If She Wants Your Help or Just To Vent Be direct. I know this is a big challenge for Snow Whites. We tend to be the queens of understatement and clue giving. I kiddingly say that I wish my hubby could read my mind. Truth is he can't and neither can anything else. You learn to be assertive and kind and Scarlett will talk and respect you for it. Plus, once you stop gift unsolicited help, she may very well ask for and result your counsel when she is ready to turn her circumstances.

4. Encourage Scarlett To Engage With A Cause There is not a Scarlett I know who is not passionate about one cause or another. Either it is the plight of the Palestinians, starving children in the third world, a myriad of political causes or animal rights, your Scarlett has a strong tendency to maintain causes. If she is going straight through a tough time, she may not be acting on these primal urges. You know her. What does she care about. Getting Scarlett to refocus on something bigger than herself is one of the most vital gifts you can give. Animal causes are thoughprovoking to Scarletts because of the drama-free zone they provide. Google The Snow Leopard Trust.

5. Four Magic Words That Open a Scarlett's Heart: Scarlett can be challenging. Swinging from wildly independent to needing constant propping up. She is thoughprovoking and bigger than life and can be a fabulous friend. Snow White has a hard time with the drama and trauma but it is possible to forge a great alliance if you want it. There are four magic words that will melt a Scarlett's heart and help her let down her guard every time. Ready? Here they are: "You're right about that." It is fabulous how hearing those words helps Scarlett feel happier. Don't bulls-t her. She is very savvy and can sniff out insincerity a mile away, but do agree with her whenever you can. As a Snow White, you may doubt how powerful this tool is. Just try it.

*Oh and by the way, did you notice the asterisk in the title? Well, that is there because we Snow Whites annoy the living tar out of our Scarlett friends and family. I will write all about that in a hereafter article.

Do You Have a Negative Friend Who is Getting on Your Last Nerve? 5 Secrets to building Positivity