Spanking a Child - Does It unmistakably Cause Harm?

If you would like to start a heated seminar in a room of parents just mention the word spanking. This particular word can polarize a group in about 1.3 seconds. It is naturally amazing. Parents tend to have a very strong stance on this and it is understandable. Most want what is best for their children and discipline in a way they feel benefits the child most. I am no exception to this. When they are told they are doing something that is damaging their child, or missing a key disciplinary tool they take it personally. Again, this is normal

This polarization was exciting to me so I went finding for the reply to the, "should I spank my child," question. Surprisingly I did not find an answer, but I did find some exciting information. Let us start by finding at where the professionals stand.

Train Table For Kids

In April of 2010 Tulane University published a study that showed frequent spanking at age three was connected to more aggressive behavior at age five. Past studies have also connected spanking to lower Iq scores. This sounds pretty serious and is worth taking note of. In difference though, Michigan's Calvin College published a study in January of 2010 showing the exact opposite. In this study kids who were spanked were more likely to achieve better at school, be happier as adults and be more likely to volunteer and go to college. Both of these were scientifically controlled and reported studies. How can they both be right?

Well, believe it or not, they can be. Assuming that their controls were done correctly and they took into list other contributing factors there is still an element that can vary enough to allow both to be true. This is the very field of the studies, what constitutes a spanking? This is a serious examine and one that most studies do not directly address. Were the kids spanked by hand or with a paddle or other object? Were the kids spanked on their bare bottoms, or straight through clothing? Were other forms of discipline used or just spanking? This list could get very long but you see where it is going. I have not found a particular study that tries to qualify how a child was spanked, only that the parents say they spank. In my scientific mind this does not mean much.

I need to post a disclaimer here. I believe in spanking. As to not make the same mistake these studies have made, I will define what I reconsider spanking. I will leave it to you to conclude if this is the same definition others are using or not. For me the following is a spanking. It would be a stretch to reconsider it abuse.

Correctly Spanking a Child:

1. Never spank a child when you are mad, upset, or angry. Take a timeout yourself if you need to but wait until you can address the child calmly.
2. Never spank a child with your hand. The child should never fear you or a request for retrial you make. Always have a paddle of other object that is used solely for spanking.
3. Only spank a child for direct defiance and disobedience. Children with Always act their age. Spanking is a sever form of punishment and should only be used for sever behavior.
4. Always spank for direct defiance and disobedience. Children thrive on predictability. You must be consistent with what warrants a spanking. If a child is spanked for a behavior once and not a second time, you run the risk of confusing the child. They should know what type of response their choices will prompt.
5. Come down to their level and discuss the behavior and alternatives with your child before you spank them. It is leading for them to understand why they are getting a spanking and what they should have done to avoid one. better yet, ask them if they know why. They ordinarily do. Take this time to tell them how many strikes they will receive so they know what to expect.
6. Do not over do it. One or two strikes will get your point across. However, you do need to be firm enough for it to hurt a petite and be a deterrent.
7. Never end the discipline with a spanking. Once it is over take a petite to hold and relieve your child. Let them know you love them but cannot allow their behavior. They can understand this.

These are the steps we take every time one of our children directly challenges our authority. We use time-outs, time-ins, removing privileges, and many other forms of discipline as well. However, if a child knowingly chooses to defy us they know they will get spanked. Below is a roll play of exactly what this looks like in our family.

Little Johnny is three years old. He walks over to the table and picks up my cell phone. He has been told clearly not to play with our phones in the past. I walk into the room and instruct him to put the phone back. (If he were to obey he would still be put in time-out for this level of disobedience). He looks at me and yells no and runs off with my phone. This is direct defiance. I go get the paddle, catch him and set down on the floor with him in my lap. I ask him if he was being obedient. He answers, "No." I ask him if his behavior was respectful. He answers, "No." I tell him he is definite and that his selection to be disobedient and disrespectful means he will receive a spanking. I then ask him what other selection he could have made. He responds with, "Put the phone down." I praise him for knowing the definite selection and tell him that he will get two spanks for selecting to disobey. I stand him up and administer the spanks. As he is crying I pull him back into my lap and give him a big hug and kiss. I tell him that I love him and want him to grow up into a respectful and flourishing young man who knows how to make wise choices. I hug him again and by this point he wants me to come and play with his trains. He knows he did wrong and he knows he is still loved. We can both move on.

Yes, this takes a long time. It is not as uncomplicated as a quick slap with the hand or swipe with a belt, but it is constructive and not destructive. It is also not what these studies mean when they call a parent and ask, "Do you spank your child?" This is how I define spanking. It is not for everybody and I understand that. I will never fault parents for selecting not to spank. However, for those of us who choose to, and choose to correctly, I would like to at least define what we are arguing over. I would love to see a study that looks at the long term effects of dissimilar types of spanking. I do not expect that will be forthcoming any time soon though.

Spanking a Child - Does It unmistakably Cause Harm?