A List of the Biggest Mistakes Most Men Make

If you wanted to start a list of the biggest mistakes that most men make, it's very simple.

They make lists.

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It doesn't matter whether it's 'The 10 best albums of all time'; or 'Best operation films'; or 'Best actors who played James Bond', there's a flaw at the heart of the process.
You can't do it.

If you think back to when you were a teenager, you will remember how pop singers are all the time asked to list their favourite things. They come up with 'Favourite colour - red'; 'Favourite toothpaste - Arm and Hammer' and so on.
That's fair enough.
It's just a preference.
You can do it too. Try saying 'Favourite colour - ?' and fill in the gap. It might be red, or blue, or white. Go ahead. It makes sense.

What doesn't make sense is to try and say 'Red is good than blue'.
That's meaningless.

But people do it all the time.
Ever sat in a bar and been quizzed: 'Ice cream or custard?' 'Elvis Presley or Gene Vincent?'
If the demand was 'Which do you prefer?' you could reply that with alacrity.
It doesn't.
The demand you are being asked is 'Which is best?'
That's meaningless.

Let's take one example. 'Tea or coffee?'
Some people prefer one or the other, and it's all they every drink.
Some nations have this tendency. Most people might agree that tea is an English drink, but coffee is more American.
However, most individuals can see the advantages of having one or the other, depending on the circumstances. For instance, when people go out to dinner, they often finish the meal with a coffee, (often including a liqueur). A cup of tea doesn't have the same allure.
However, anyone who has ever watched an old black and white film about World War Ii in England will know that when bad news is announced, man all the time says 'Let's put the kettle on and have a nice cup of tea'.
There might be a guess for that. Commonly speaking, tea can have a calming effect, while coffee can be energising. Maybe for that guess there is a tendency in England to have coffee in the morning work break and tea in the afternoon.
But it's not a rule!
If you want tea now, have it. After all, most times, when you get to visit your friends in this country, they ask. They say 'I'm putting the kettle on. Do you want tea or coffee?' Why would they bother doing that?
Because people often 'feel like' tea at some point in the day and 'feel like' coffee at other times. Whatever, certainly it's good to corollary your feelings at that time and bonus yourself with a drink that you might certainly enjoy.

The alternative?

To establish a list that says '10 best drinks' with Tea at number five and Coffee at number seven, (champagne at number one and cocoa at number nine). That means you would all the time have to drink tea in preference to coffee, if it was available, and - drink champagne at the morning work break, if it was available!
Ridiculous.

Worse, men put themselves on lists.
They establish a table of '10 best dads in this city' or 'Most prosperous businessman under 30'.
That wouldn't be too bad if they came out on top once in a while, but most times, the ratings seem to count against the very people who do the assessing.
They draw up a list which says that the man over the road with a motor mower is a 'Better Dad' than me, and the lawyer who gives our division advice at the Friday morning team meeting is a 'Better Earner' than me.
How strange is that?
Why beat yourself up?

If you ever get to read The Sunday Times newspaper's annual 'Rich List' at the end of every year, it might well be that you aren't on it.
If you sit down and watch The Oscars, or The Golden Globes, or The Pulitzer Prize awards, you might miss your name on the final short list. Is that any guess to be hard on yourself?

It might seem logical not to put yourself down, but people aren't logical.
I know a man who loves to skate, and has spent hours and days of his life down at the skating rink, practising the sport he loves. That's fine, but then he thinks of all the lists he isn't on, like 'Olympic Ice Skating Champions' or 'Professional Entertainers on Ice'. He beats himself up at the way he's failed to make anyone of his skating. 'It's only a hobby' he'll say with regret.
When you quiz him about why he never made the top lists of skaters, he'll put transmit the proposition that he 'couldn't take the training'. Professional skaters get up at 5 in the morning, he tells you, practise till 8, go to work, then come back at 6 and do another four hours. He couldn't do that, he says.
No, he doesn't get up at 5 to practise his skill.
But he's quite happy to wake up early and spend three hours worrying about the life he never had and the dedication he couldn't muster.
No, he isn't a Professional skater, but he's a World Champion Worrier and Compiler of Lists - top people he doesn't collate with.
What a waste.

There's two answers to this dilemma.
One is to think that most lists are sickeningly narrow.
It's all the time 'Best skaters', not 'Best skater with a nice home with a lawn in the suburbs and a comfortable job he enjoys'.
It's all the time 'Best soul singer', not 'Best singer with nice, law-abiding kids and time to take them on holiday each year'.
Why not widen your horizons and think about all the good stuff that makes up your life, production you more of a well-rounded man than the man who spent all their childhood practising a skill or developing a talent?

The second thing to do is think about the School Yearbook.
If you get your photograph on your year page, it ordinarily comes with a caption, something like 'Man most likely to - '
It might end with something along the lines ' - fly to the Moon' or ' - marry a teacher'.
It's unlikely to say 'Man most likely to be the nation's number One stuntman' or 'Feature in the Top Ten International Businessman of the Year list'.

Why not set your ambitions lower?
Think about all the dissimilar parts of your life and how it hangs together.
Think about what it says about your preferences, the decisions you've made throughout the years and the choices that have created the life you are now leading.

Above all, why not abandon the process of listing - if it involves you, only to put you down, make you seem feeble and a failure, in comparison to others? (But only in comparison to others who are all the mighty achievers, sports men and women, high flyers and prosperous business people that this nation can produce.)
Because, most important, that means you could take a well-deserved holiday from beating yourself up.

And, most significantly, there's no 'Top 10' for that.

A List of the Biggest Mistakes Most Men Make